The model of my mind, as best I understand it. It'll never be completely accurate, but I do like trying to keep it up to date. This describes, but does not prescribe. It is an attempt to document and explain my own experience rather than conform my own mind's behavior.
Notes
- I use plurality terminology because it seems to fit best, even if I don’t have the same experience as others on the plurality spectrum. The Glossary section at the end has my own definitions of terms that I use.
- I am fairly confident I don’t have DID, and probably don’t have diagnosable OSDD.
- My memory is continuous, and the experiential timeline seems consistent between facets. (See the Memory section below)
- The voices are internal dialog. Me, but distinct. Not always words, usually trains-of-thought with their own distinct flavor. They are not loud or chaotic. (See the Communication section below)
- My processing is parallel—not experienced as such all the time, but at least sometimes. These trains-of-thought can and do run concurrently. This is more prevalent with processes.
- My inner world is coherent and works in harmony, collaborating, and co-existing.
- If I am plural, I would likely be classified as a median system.
- I believe that I am on the AuDHD spectrum.
Facets
These have at least a distinct voice and personality. Not all of them front often.
They’re different aspects of me, but still feel like me, but distinct. It feels like still me in control, but not Naomi specifically. Naomi does see all, even if not currently fronting.
But my other facets seem to have instinctual abilities beyond Naomi. This may be because Naomi sees conclusions and decisions, what memory encodes, and gets to watch the interaction, but not the finer details that go into those specific interactions. I can often back-solve the reasoning that got there, but that takes time, logic, and effort, rather than just knowing, and my other facets in-the-moment seemingly-instinctual responses are so much faster than that.
I use the term facets here rather than alters because I think that captures some of the nuance of my experience and aligns with more median system terminology—and because I love the gem metaphor, given my last name, Amethyst.
Naomi • sephy • kitten • Persephone • Nym
Naomi
Hey! I’m Naomi.
I’m a neurospicy, poly, kinky girl in tech. I’m also trans, queer, and rather introspective. I’ve spent quite a lot of time thinking about myself and my values. I have a page on my website with my thoughts on that.
I like to write about my thoughts on my blog, and my website also has a portfolio of some of the more tech I’m into—I’m sure you can find a lot more about me in those posts than any bio can really summarize.
I also enjoy D&D, immersive video games, and fantasy literature—I love to get lost in other worlds.
While I really do like socializing, I am ultimately an introvert so I do need time alone to recharge afterwards. But that doesn’t discourage me from socializing.
But, I’m getting long-winded for a bio, so I’ll leave you with: It’s nice to meet you.
Description
This is my main personality or “self”. Who I typically think of as “me” or “I”. Who I present as to most of the world. Naomi is feminine and tends to be the well-rounded facet that interacts with the world.
Name
My chosen first name; means things like pleasant, compassionate, gentle in Hebrew, and direct, beautiful in Japanese. Originally sephy’s name. Also a reference to Naomi Wildman from Star Trek: Voyager.
Origin
Came about out of introspection when I realized there were things about my personality that I didn’t like and that I felt needed work. That introspective period ended up being where I realized I was trans, though a bit later than when what became Naomi was starting to show signs of surfacing. I saw glimpses of Naomi sometime in January 2021, but I don’t think she actually fronted until November 2021.
Info
- Pronouns: she/her
- Orientation: pansexual, panromantic; but seems to be attracted to queer/trans girls/enbies
- Speech: calm, cheerful, bright, but not overly bubbly, balanced
- Likes: socializing, living life with our partners, tech, writing, D&D, fantasy books, video games, etc.
- Dislikes: hurting others, rejection, unfairness, etc.
- Fronts: by default, most of the time
- Blends: when something comes up when others are fronting
- Retreats: under extreme stress or exhaustion
Notes
- Very queer, very poly.
- Caring, nurturing, responsible.
- Balanced.
- A girl.
sephy
hi!!~~~ i’m sephy!
i’m cute and i’m little and i’m me!
i like my friends and makeing new friends
and i like coloring and singing and dancing and i don’t like grown up things!
oh, and i like cuddles!
Description
This is my little self. She’s mentally young. She likes childhood things, and seems developmentally a child rather than an adult playing one. Likely a part of me that never got to be a child. Or perhaps never got to be a girl. I grew up quick, mainly because I was competent. Because I liked responsibility and was capable. This facet is likely that child who never really got to be.
Name
Originally Naomi, but that was assumed by the whole system (and the default front facet when she decided on her name). sephy is a diminutive or child form of my chosen middle name, Persephone; a little bit more accessible than Kore. It is almost always stylized lowercase, and sometimes suffixed with “-tan.”
Origin
She first showed up either at a local kink event on November 11th, 2023 around 9-10pm; or at a local littles’ event on December 16, 2023 around 4-8pm. She showed up when I got to fully regress safely for the first time.
Info
- Pronouns: she/her
- Orientation: asexual, aromantic
- Speech: little, smaller, simpler. Babbles and talks to herself out loud.
- Likes: coloring, stuffies, cuddling, socializing with other littles, arts and crafts, “little” things
- Dislikes: responsibility, adult things, sexual things
- Fronts: when safe and in an environment conducive to regression with no responsibilities
- Blends: when Naomi is doing fun things, experiencing simple joys, or in little environments where she can’t fully front
- Retreats: when faced with sexuality, or when responsibilities arise
Notes
- Little girl. Properly little. Age 5-8?
- Struggles with adult things.
- Happy and outgoing. Free.
- Simplified access to Logic and Feels.
- Sometimes bleeds through to Naomi as little-ness.
- Probably why Naomi can access a limited Littlespace even while maintaining control.
kitten
[Naomi:] (since kitten didn’t really feel like writing this)
kitten is a facet of mine. She’s a very submissive facet who is mostly interested in kink and play. She needs to serve. To be played with. To be touched. To be called a good girl.
She doesn’t front often outside of kinky contexts. But she’s always horny, it seems—[kitten:] hey! [Naomi:] well, do you want to write this? [kitten:] nya~!
[Naomi:] Sometimes she’s playful, but she turns rather respectful towards dominance. She’s very “yes, Master. please, Master.”
Description
kitten is a slave girl who exists to serve her Master. She is very kinky and submissive, and enjoys serving. She needs to obey; to be a good girl. She’s the primary conduit for the horny, is always horny, and she likes that.
Name
Given to her by Master. It was originally designed to be a title or dynamic name that could be used in public safely. But it became her name. It evokes a sense of petplay, which she is into, and a certain playfulness that she occasionally has. Always stylized lowercase.
Origin
She was first seen when she knelt before Master, and called Him Master. This was around June 20, 2023. She may have existed before as something more nebulous. A need to submit. But it wasn’t until then that she showed up.
Info
- Pronouns: she/her
- Orientation: pansexual
- Speech: demure, formal “yes, Master;” also pet-isms like “nyah!!!!” and “nya-nya?”
- Tends to slip into formal third person: “Your kitten is horny”, “Your kitten needs to reposition her arms”, “this kitten would like head scritches”
- Likes: kink, submission, obeying, impact, ropes, tidying, cleaning, housework, service
- Dislikes: making decisions, leading
- Fronts: when in pure Subspace, around dominance, when very horny and needy
- Blends: when Naomi is horny but kitten cannot front due to lack of dominance, or lack of trust; also blends with Persephone to create a more fluid switchy state when there is that give-and-take of power
- Retreats: when something unsexy comes up, where she is required to make too many decisions, or when she is expected to lead or care
Persephone
Hey~
I’m Persephone. I’m one of Naomi’s facets.
I suppose I should tell you about myself. That’s what one does in a bio, after all, right?
Well, let’s see. I’m rather social—at least, in the right environment. I quite enjoy making new friends—friends I can flirt with, tempt, get close to, let feel my hot breath in their ear whispering tantalizing words. Friends who melt into delicious subby puddles for me like good little toys. Who say “yes, Miss, please, Miss” when I ask questions. Friends I can play with—toy with—after all good little toys get rewarded.
Sounds fun, right?
Description
Persephone is a Temptress Queen. She reads people, figures out what they want, and then tempts them with that. She quite enjoys giving people what they want. She feeds off of desire. She knows how to connect with people and is rather charismatic in her own way.
Name
My chosen middle name; the God-Queen of the Underworld; the Goddess of Spring; the Goddess of Nature. Powerful, charming, and temptuous, just like her.
Origin
She was first seen either at DragonCon 2024 (August 30, 2024) or New Years Eve 2024 (December 31, 2024) at a play party where she was seducing potential play partners.
Info
- Pronouns: she/her
- Orientation: pansexual, panromantic; but seems to attract queer/trans girls/enbies
- Speech: soft, cooing, purring, velvety, rich, confident, feminine seduction
- Likes: seduction, puddling, sensation, pleasure, desire, socializing, consent
- Dislikes: being unwanted, rejection, doing anything her partner doesn’t actually want
- Fronts: when around other subby play partners or at kink events with submissive people
- Blends: when Naomi needs to be charming, sometimes; also with kitten to create a more fluid switchy state when there is that give-and-take of power
- Retreats: when something unsexy comes up, or when around dominance that kitten would prefer to submit to rather than challenge
Nym
gestures below vaguely
Description
My protector. Cold and logical. An introvert who would rather not interact with people, but had to for 30 years and so constructed a shell or facade to interact with the world. Pushed to be perfect, so masked to pretend was perfect. Was finally able to take off the shell when Naomi came forward, and could instead retreat to the background and be without having to interact with people.
Name
Nym is short for Nymphegetes, the protector of nymphs—my other facets. It also evokes resonance with Nyx for shadow, Memnon for defender, -nym for names, and Mnemosyne for memory. This facet used to carry my deadname. Other names that were considered also: Argus, Nomia.
Origin
The beginning. This was the personality that solidified during my childhood, through my teenage years, and most of my twenties.
Info
- Pronouns: they/any?
- Orientation: asexual, aromantic, agender
- Speech: cold, direct, efficient, commanding, what people don’t question
- Likes: logic, analysis, hyperfocus, tough technical problems, organizing, documenting, tech
- Dislikes: interacting with people
- Fronts: in emergencies, like when Naomi freezes, enters rage, or someone is in imminent danger
- Blends: (well, advises, really) when solving problems, organizing, systematizing, or analyzing; during technical work; during hyperfocus; sometimes truly blends momentarily when Naomi needs steel in her voice or ice in her gaze (“the look”)
- Retreats: as soon as Naomi can handle the situation
Notes
- Logic-first, not emotional.
- Doesn’t front except under extreme duress. And doesn’t seem to want to.
- Like when:
- Naomi freezes in an emergency.
- When Naomi enters rage.
- When someone is in imminent danger.
- Seems capable of preempting whoever is fronting in these circumstances.
- Yields back to Naomi after crisis.
- Executes in alignment of Naomi’s values and desires.
- Cold and competent. Solves problems with speech designed to command immediate compliance and with decisive use of body.
- Can surface quickly, but relinquishes control as soon as crisis is over.
- Struggles to understand others.
- Like when:
- Advises much more than bleeds through.
- Solves problems. Systematizes, organizes, and analyzes.
- Oftentimes is close to the surface during technical or analytical work.
- Likes working on analytical problems.
- Tends to Hyperfocus.
- Shell that I took off when I transitioned, but was me for 30 years.
- Seems mostly happy to not deal with people.
States
These are not facets, but different mental/physiological states independent of who is fronting.
Drift (Sleep, Liminal, Trance) • Flow (Subspace, Littlespace, Hyperfocus) • Whelm (Overstimulated, Crash, Vasovagal) • Storm (Spiraling, The Big Sad)
Drift
By drift, I mean that these are states where I am not fully present.
Sleep
- No one is fronting and the body is shut down.
- Recharging. Restful.
- I don’t typically dream (or encode dreams).
Liminal
- The state while waking up without being fully awake.
- And, to a lesser extent, the state while falling asleep.
- No one is fully fronting, though usually close to the surface.
- Similar to Trance, but not as suggestible.
- Emotionality here can settle and pervade the rest of the day.
- Can be pleasurable if uninterrupted with other things.
- Sometimes kitten shows up here when horny and unstressed.
- This can extend into my morning shower routine, but usually not past that.
Trance
- No one truly fronting.
- Far away from the surface.
- Subconscious still active.
- Very suggestible.
- Coming out of it suddenly can cause Crash.
Flow
By flow, I mean states where the rest of the world drops away and I can focus on one thing.
Subspace
- Multiple flavors depending on what exact activities are taking place.
- Resiliency to physically and mentally demanding play.
- Pliability.
- Can result in Crash (“subdrop”) afterwards.
Littlespace
- Engaging with little-coded activities.
- Enjoying the wonder of childhood.
- Channeling simple emotions and simple thoughts.
- Can be disrupted by adult things.
Hyperfocus
- Can lose hours at a time to a specific task.
- Loses track of other things.
- Enjoyable. Recharging.
- Can be disrupted by people or distractions.
Whelm
By whelm, I mean that my body has failed in some way. Physiological component rather than purely psychological.
Overstimulated
- A state of panic induced by too much simultaneous chaotic stimuli.
- Stress + noise + touch + confusion.
- Need to escape, need less stimuli.
- Occurs rarely, less than once a month.
- Can result in Crash.
Crash
- Can occur after demanding play or other high-intensity activities.
- A feeling of extreme fragility and emotionality.
- Lots of crying.
- Needing softness, care, and comfort.
- Probably want cuddles and a nap.
- Lasts about 30 minutes to an hour.
Vasovagal
- Needles or other bodily incursions to myself can cause this.
- Repeated incursions make response more likely.
- A deep inexorable sense of unease, wrongness, foreboding, doom.
- Sweating.
- Panic.
- Too hot and too cold, oscillating.
- Dehydration, needing water urgently.
- Lasts about 20 minutes.
- Need to sit down and wait it out.
Storm
By storm, these are generally negative emotional loops and antipatterns; dysregulation.
Spiraling
- A state where Feels and Needs go around in circles.
- Feels is hurting about something.
- Needs draws conclusions about why in a blameful way.
- Usually by blaming someone I love or care about.
- “If they cared, they wouldn’t let you hurt.”
- “If they loved you, they’d have listened to your needs and prioritized them.”
- Feels hurts more because of that.
- The cycle repeats.
- When Logic sees this, it’ll interject counter-narrative.
- “They’re going through a lot right now, too. They didn’t know.”
- “They do love you, remember when they did X, Y, and Z?”
- “They are hurting too, and need support, too.”
- But Feels doesn’t always care.
- Usually I need comfort. I need to be taken care of. I need to be held and be seen.
- Or reparation.
The Big Sad
- A state where Feels seems weighed down.
- Usually triggered by emotionally demanding and hurting interactions.
- Often where there is no resolution.
- Where there is uncertainty.
- Emotional fragility. Tears are close, even if not currently crying.
- Happiness and lightheartedness is hard or impossible to access.
- And if I can access it, it settles back into a melancholy or sadness shortly after.
- Lasts until reparation or about a day has passed.
- Depending on severity.
- I seem particularly susceptible to this when waking up (even Empathy can trigger it then), and it will color the rest of the day.
- If I go to bed crying, there is a strong chance that I will wake up in this state.
- Needs sometimes shows up here to twist the knife:
- “You give so much to so many people. You’re always there. But right now, you need them. Why can’t they support you?”
Processes
These are more forces/facilities/impersonal voices.
Logic • Feels • Empathy • Needs • Subconscious
Logic
- Examines data and patterns.
- Collates, systematizes, organizes.
- Generates logical narrative.
- Feeds facets with reasoning and next steps.
Feels
- Feels feelings deeply.
- Cares.
- Loves.
- Some feelings seem more triggering or sensitive than others.
- Rejection.
- Being told someone is doing something for my benefit without asking.
- Being told how I am feeling or how I should be feeling.
- Feeds facets with emotions and impulses.
- Feeds Logic with emotions.
Empathy
- Senses others’ feelings and vibes.
- Feeds data to Feels (and sometimes overwhelms it).
- Feeds data to Logic.
Needs
Originally I thought this was a Cynic process. This has changed recently with introspection. New framing seems to have noticeably improved my experience. This was a corrupted Needs process designed to provide felt needs to me, but instead is providing them as blame/judgement/criticism.
- Provides a felt sense of unmet needs.
- Makes me feel what I need right now, viscerally.
- Sometimes (though more rarely with new framing) maladaptive:
- Interprets things in a cynical way.
- Says mean things internally.
- Bullies Feels.
- Contributes to internal emotional spiraling.
Concepts
Depth • Switching • Communication • Memory • Resources
Depth
- There is a “surface.”
- The facet that is at the surface is fronting.
- Sometimes other facets can be close, but not at the surface. This causes bleed through or blending of some of their personalities into the current front.
- Deeper facets are less likely to express directly.
- During Trance, no facet is surfaced and any expression or personality comes from deeper facets bleeding through to the surface.
Switching
- When a facet yields for another to emerge.
- Seems cooperative, Naomi yields for her facets because she likes them. And still knows what they’re doing and can give them direction if need be.
- Sometimes this can result in Crash if a facet abruptly abdicates fronting and another has to step in to fill the void.
Communication
- Internal communication happens as felt words or feelings. Not usually a spoken voice.
- Sometimes it’s more of an impulse. Or desire.
- There is rarely back-and-forth communication, and instead just desires or advice.
Memory
- My memory is a continuous timeline regardless of the facet accessing it.
- Both short-term and long-term.
- But it’s not clear if things that don’t get encoded as memory are necessarily shared.
- Decisions and conclusions are, but sometimes active train-of-thought isn’t immediately transparent between facets.
Resources
I seem to have mental resource pools that are drained by different activities.
- Social. Drained when socializing. Can slowly recharge with one or two of my partners, but properly recharges when alone. Running out of this puts me at risk of experiencing Overstimulated or Crash.
- Emotional. Drained when experiencing heavy emotions. Can recharge slowly alone, but properly recharges with love and care. Running out of this puts me at risk of experiencing The Big Sad, Crash, or an intervention by Nym.
- Empathic. Perhaps a flavor of Emotional above. Drained when empathizing with someone going through heavy emotions. Can slowly recharge alone, quicker when with people who are happy, quickest when others’ emotional pain is resolved. Running out of this puts me at risk of just not caring anymore, The Big Sad, or Crash.
- Stimulation. Drained when experiencing chaotic environments—noise, many conversations, unwanted sensation, etc. Recharges when alone in peaceful quiet. Running out of this causes me to enter the Overstimulated state.
- Focus. Drained when focusing for long periods of time—typically in work meetings or incidents. Recharges when I can nap or do anything else. Running out of this causes my ADHD tendencies to surface strongly, or just feel very tired.
Glossary
These are my definitions, as I use them when describing my own experiences. Other people may have other definitions—and that's fine, everyone is free to define terms that work for their experience—but these are how I am using them.
- Facet: A mode of me, a distinct set of personality traits. Still me, but different.
- Fronting: When a facet is “active” or “driving”.
- Switching: Changing which facet is fronting.
- Blending/bleed-through: When one facet’s traits influence, even when that facet is not fronting.
- Surface/depth: How “close” or “far” away from fronting a facet is; affects blending/bleed-through.
- State: Moods, mindsets, or other temporary conditions that influence me as a whole.
- Process: An inner “part” that provides signals or a train-of-thought or feelings but not something that can converse.
- Inner Voice: Usually felt words or feelings, not heard words.
- Plural System: Multiple facets (and/or identities, personas, personalities, selves) sharing one body.
- Median System: A plural system with less distinctive, dissociative, or amnesia-like properties.