Names

Last week, I finally got my legal name changed by court order, and that has brought with it a ton of emotions which has me thinking about names. Names are such a fundamental aspect of each and every person. They are ingrained since birth and a very core part of our self-identity.

I have complicated emotions when I hear my deadname. It’s not me, but it was a name I identified with for so very long. I don’t hate my deadname, I was lucky enough to have a deadname that no one really knows how to gender, but it does sting a little to hear, and it feels wrong to say — and I’ve had to say my deadname quite a lot these past couple of weeks. Both in leading up to my legal name change — North Carolina even calls your deadname your “True Name” on all of the forms and paperwork — as well as afterwards where I have to update all of my other records. (What’s your name as it currently appears on the account?)

North Carolina doesn’t make it easy to change your name. It was such a long process. I had to get an FBI background check (which I had to go to a post office to give my fingerprints), an NCSBI background check (which I had to go to the sheriff’s office to give my fingerprints), I had to find two people who lived in my county to write affidavits of my good character and supporting my name change and then they had to get those notarized. Then I had to file a 10-day notice of intent to change my name on the courthouse noticeboard for anyone who wanted to see. Then finally I had to make an appointment and file a petition to change my name, where I had to detail reasons why I was changing my name.

After the appointment, I was given my signed court order changing my name. I was so relieved and I realized just how much I had been stressing out about it. I felt so much lighter. I was happy.

My legal name is now Naomi Persephone Amethyst.

I chose Naomi because it has some similar sounds to my deadname, but it is very feminine-coded, I think it’s a very pretty name, and I’ve loved the name for as long as I can remember. I think the first time I heard the name as a child was Naomi Wildman from Star Trek: Voyager, and she was one of my favorite characters from that show. The name Naomi also means things like “pleasant,” “compassionate,” and “gentle” in Hebrew and “direct” and “beautiful” in Japanese which are all things people have said of me.

I chose Persephone as my middle name because I love both the name Persephone as well as her other names and epithets such as Kore (The Maiden and girl), Pure, Despoina (The Mistress), and so on. She was also the goddess of the harvest, as well as the Queen of the Underworld. I find epithets like The Maiden and girl to be very euphoric from a gender perspective, and the dichotomy of her young and innocent side with her Queen of the Underworld side aligns well with my Switchy nature.

I also considered Calliope (muse of eloquence and epic poetry) and Terpsichore (muse of lyrics and dancing), but ultimately decided that I wanted one middle name for the sake of simplicity and that if I was only going to have one middle name, then I liked Persephone the most.

I chose Amethyst as my surname because I’ve always loved it as a name, I adore the gemstone, and love the wonderful purple shades typically associated with amethyst. Amethyst also means not intoxicated, non-toxic, and not drunk, which I think is quite a nice quality. I do not drink, myself, by choice, and so I think that quality also goes well with the name.

Changing my name has been quite the journey, and I’m not even done yet. I still have to update so many places that have my deadname as my legal name on file, and each of those places have their own process for updating the name, including some ridiculous requirements. It should be as simple as just sending them the court order, but I’ve found that most want more details and more proof than that.

But I’m happy.